Journal Log- 5/17/09

So tonight, I was walking to the front door from my car after an awesome night at midtown when I had a thought kind of slam into me. I was checking my phone for text messages and I remembered one from a buddy of mine asking me to do him a favor. Last week. Obviously, I forgot it, but I had this simple thought ring in my head - "Life is short. " It was a week ago that he contacted me!! I stopped dead in my tracks on the way to the door and asked myself, "What have I accomplished in this seemingly short-but-just-as-long-as-any-other week? Have I done anything significant? Anything that left a mark on someone else's life? Anything worth my short time on this earth?!?" Not boasting that I'm this big, important person or anything, but the fact of the matter is "Life is short." Right now, this very second, I'm dying. It feels pretty weird saying that in my head, but it's true. Ever second that passes, I am getting closer and closer to the time when my Father calls me home. And thinking about this makes me ask all of these questions all over again, except this time, about my LIFE. Am I making every encounter I have with someone count? Is every decision I make made with the Kingdom in mind? ALL of theses questions can be a little. bit. overwhelming. At least to me. But the more I think about it, I think they kind of should be, but not to the point that they keep us from making progress. They should be challenging us and pushing us, not hindering us. They should be an asses to us. A tool. Kind of like guidlines to check our work with. LIke a job description. A veeerrrrryyy specific job description for a veeeerrrrryyy specific job: A Kingdom Ambassador. This is kind of what Matt was talking about at Midtown tonight. It's a tough job, if we try to do it on our own. Quite impossible, actually. It can't be done by our strength. It requires a constant pouring of the Holy Spirit into our hearts, minds, souls, and lives. If that isn't there we're going to be drained. FAST. Truuuuussssttt me. I know. I've been there, done that. Not fun. Very stressful, and guess what? UNFULFILLING!!!! Isn't that weird? The "seemingly" hardest thing- looking for guidance 24/7 from the Holy Spirit- ends up being the easiest in the long run because you don't have to go through all of that heartache and discontentment. Mind-bottling, huh? You know, like when your thoughts get put in a bottle and shaken up? Ok. Back to writing. Enough Talladega Nights quotes. I guess I say/write all of this to clarify to myself that I have no idea what i'm doing- but I know a guy who does. And I want to become completely dependent upon His wisdom, strength, guidance and everything else He has to offer, which is more than enough and more than I deserve. So, I don't know about anyone else, but I'm going to be praying for peace with these questions and that I depend on Him to the point that it's all I do and it honors the sacrifice that was made for me to be able to do so. Praise God for random teaching moments!